The Moment Ambition Shifted: From Chasing Success to Choosing Purpose
Lately I’ve been giving ambition quite a bit of thought – its roots, how it evolves over time, and why it can feel both empowering and unsettling at the same time.
While I have always had the courage to dream big, something inside me has always pulled me down. These conflicting thoughts and emotions have a way of nourishing my gremlins – my impostor syndrome.
Growing up, I remember being bolder, louder, and more audacious about my dreams and ambitions. Something I am re-learning to be more of each and every day. Some days I’m back there – my most authentic self from childhood. Other days I need a reminder or a push to get over the feeling that I’m an impostor.
So, what tamed me?
We are the sum of our experiences, and what we experience has the power to alter our younger self’s way of being – and quite frankly, our energy. So where did it pivot? I remember wanting to be on Broadway, dancing and singing my heart out. But when I finally said it out loud, I was guided – out of fear – toward something more financially secure. Completely understandable. Who wants to see their children struggle into adulthood? Not us.
My ambitions didn’t go dormant; they transformed into something more practical. And then motherhood happened, and I couldn’t deviate from the day-to-day grind. For a long time, I went hard at work – I absorbed and cranked out. My new ambition became to be the best paralegal, the best HR partner, the best analyst… and on and on and on.
My energy became competitive, relentless, and intense. I was overcome by the pressures of the job and my own internal pressure to be my most excellent self. It wasn’t sustainable. I became resentful because I wasn’t at the level I thought I wanted to be at. And at the end of the day, that type of ambition didn’t get me any closer to my calling.
It wasn’t until I took a step back – into a job that was considerably less stressful and demanding – that I finally took a deep breath and reassessed what I truly wanted out of life. And that was something I didn’t know I was allowed to do: define what success looks and feels like for me. How each of us measures success should look and feel different for each person.
Even though it sounds simple, it’s not. I had to cut through the BS and the noise. Growing up, I thought I knew what success was – because everyone else decided it was so. I had to assess whether those values were ones I wanted to align with. Getting to the root of why I defined success a certain way helped me understand my aspiration. It’s hard to break away from what I’ve always known and doing so became the internal alignment I needed – a sense of empowerment I had never felt before.
And that’s where my ambition finally shifted. It stopped being something I chased and started being something I chose to become. My ambition became more intrinsic. Instead of reaching for titles or shiny markers of success, I began reaching for alignment – for the feeling of being rooted in work that matters. I want my presence to make a difference in the lives of the people around me, to help them transform in ways that serve who they’re becoming. I want my days to feel meaningful, not only productive. I want my energy to contribute to something good. And yes – I want to make a good living doing it. Impact and stability have to coexist.
And while I’m still working on letting go of ambition as something I need to prove – it fluctuates, it rises and falls – I can feel myself becoming someone I recognize. Someone aligned, intentional, and deeply awake to her own impact.
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